Giving Up the Milk

We have closed in on one full year of life with Baby A. At times, this seems shocking, but when I look at photos and videos of him as a newborn, it certainly looks like a year has gone by! He was much more of a sleepy blob than a person at first, and now he's this extremely animated little person with these tiny fat limbs. 

When we started introducing Baby A. to solid foods around 7 months, I did it as a compliment to breastfeeding. My goal was always to nurse until at least a year, and now that the year is through, I am right on track. At just a month prior to Baby A.'s birthday, we got down to one to two nursing sessions a day. I don't think he was even getting much milk out at that point, although I could still feel a small letdown a few minutes after he started nursing. The morning session had gotten pretty short and I could tell he was less interested in nursing. 

Even though I know I am ending our nursing journey right when I planned to, I do worry about if it's the right thing, the right time. I believe my son is healthy and happy, and with his dwindling interest in nursing, it seems like he's been fine with the transition. We have given him water or regular milk in cups and fed him a full meal before naps, and spaced that out to eliminate the need to nurse him right before a nap or bedtime as we'd become accustomed to doing. 

So, if he's fine, it must be me. I'm the one assuming he really will miss it when he doesn't even nuzzle me a signal anymore. I will be the one missing seeing his little fat legs kick while he's nursing. And I will even miss that tense moment of trying to transfer him to his own bed after he falls asleep nursing on me (which, sadly, he hasn't done in months at this point). 

In addition to the emotional pain, I experienced some physical discomfort, too. Despite the extremely slow decline in nursing sessions, I was having a lot of phantom letdown feelings as well as serious cramping. I haven't had a real cycle still, due in part to my IUD, so feeling cramps was a serious shock. I don't really remember reading anything about mom-pains outside of sadness when I researched weaning, but once I was experiencing it, it became easier to find a lot more blogs and articles about the normalcy of pain during the weaning process. It's really a toss up for me, though, since Baby A. was cutting his teeth on me, anyway. It's bittersweet, giving it up.

A wonderful benefit of our weaning process was my ability to donate over two hundred ounces of breast milk to a milk bank out of Austin, called the Mother's Milk Bank, via the Breastfeeding Center of Greater Washington, DC. The milk will be provided mostly to babies in NICUs across the country who could use the extra boost in nutrients and immunity that breast milk provides. I got the idea from the Junior League of Norfolk- Virginia Beach that I was a member of back in the Hampton Roads area, because they work with the local milk bank and local moms to get breast milk donated. My best friend donated a lot of her milk after her first son stopped breastfeeding, and after talking to her, I really felt like it was the best decision to give the large majority of my collection away just before we moved. It was kind of difficult to pack it into a cooler and let someone else walk away with it, because of all those hours spent pumping, some fruitlessly, and hoarding it afterwards. Breast milk becomes this all-important and all-consuming goal for a nursing mom...but when I got home and looked at my healthy son, I knew I'd made the right decision to help other children have a fighting chance, too. 

I have to admit that during some of those last few nursing sessions, I kept thinking I could probably restart my supply if I started nursing him more often. I almost did it. I knew I would really miss it, but I also had a plan that I thought would give us both some healthy independence. So far, it has. Baby A. has been so busy with our move and the excitement of being a growing boy, I don't think he's had time to focus on the loss. I hope in this next year, I can focus on watching my boy grow and enjoy our journey together as it continues to blossom. ⚓