Starting my Cancer Journey

Well, here we are, almost a month later, and a diagnosis in hand: Classic Hodgkins Lymphoma, with a [current but hopefully not future] side of colitis blocking my start to chemo.

We last left off with me being sent to the States for a diagnosis. I was expecting to be diagnosed with *something* and returned to Italy, maybe with the prospect of future treatment looming in the near-distant future. 

I was wrong.

The oncologist I saw immediately amended his recommendations to me after my initial biopsy (part of a bronchoscopy), and truly, at that point, we knew were dealing with lymphoma, at least. Doc said, you should not travel, so I hung out while another surgery to further biopsy my cancer and insert my port was scheduled, then carried out. 

Another thing I was wrong about: you can't pop right back up from a surgery, even if it's kind of minor in the surgery world. Also: chest tube removal is a bitch. James, I'm looking at you 😡 

I'm still recovering from surgery, and I was supposed to start chemo on the 18th; however, a few things went south at my first infusion appointment. First, I passed out during my first time having a nurse access my port. Then, the doctor popped in to say my PET scan showed colitis, and I needed to be on antibiotics for a week, and NOT chemo at the same time. Eventually, they did get my blood drawn from a second port access and some other fun needle games. Asking for prayers that the antibiotics knock out the colitis fast so I can start chemo next week, as planned. Also because I feel truly shitty (pun intended). 

Here are some things I would like to be doing but can't: 

- the beach (can't submerge, incisions still a little too raw...same for baths)

- eating a butter cake from CPK

- hanging in crowds at fun places like Armature Works, or a concert

- traveling like, anywhere

- more than gentle movement (I feel sooo stuck and stagnant)

- having a beveragino. I probably can but I won't because it's not helping 

A thing I could be doing, but through no fault of my own, am not doing, is arranging for a place to call home for my family. No orders, yet, despite the apparent rush of hub's command, the hospitals, the team of doctors, the awesome case manager and my PCM in Naples (who truly are the MVPs). I am anxious to have an actual home to go home to after chemo treatments, so I can actually relax, be with my family, cook my own comfort food, and just generally feel okay being braless in. 

Shoutouts:

To my mom, who flew to Italy, then flew home with me, has kept me [healthily] fed, attends all my appointments with me, and advocated for me at every turn.

Shoutout to LCDR Hays and Lieutenant Doctor Bevan (yes, in my head, I call him this whole name). 

To my oncologist, cardio thoracic team, and pulmonologist... for obvious reasons, but I'm pretty glad I chose to come back to Tampa, specifically, because of them. Yes, even you, James.

To my in laws who are holding it down in a foreign country and taking the best care of my boys, and who will, shortly, make an international flight with a 6 and a 2 year old, a heroic feat in itself.

 To my sweet eldest son, who is surely confused and sad and the bravest boy, who sends me these heartfelt messages on video that have me in tears.

To hubs for doing everything he can even though he's in an impossible situation that no one could smile through.

To my sweet friends and neighbys in Italy AND Tampa, and family who provides expertise (Sandy!), and new friends who have shared their cancer experiences with me and bolstered my confidence. 

I know everyone is asking what they can do to help or what could be sent that would be useful to me during this time. If you're a friend or family member of mine, and you've sent me updates on yourself, your family, your travels, even my own kids... you're doing a lot to help me get through this part. I am missing my children and having my family whole and in a home, right now. Mother's Day without my boys was super hard on me. Can we petition the Navy detailer to hurry up, come back in office, and get us orders? I did kind of assume this would be a more priority situation...

Hopefully soon I have a "mommy's first chemo" update to make on here. Til then, fair winds. ⚓