Let's Start Having This Conversation!
First of all, Happy International Women's Day! The world literally could not go on without us, ladies. Give yourselves, your moms, your sisters, and friends who identify as female a big thank you for their contributions to society.
Baby A. and I spent the day wearing our red, hanging out at the park with Tallulah Bear, and enjoying each other's company! I did have to go to the dentist during his nap, and his daddy relieved the watch...and of course, Baby A. does the most amazing things while I am gone. He managed to pull himself up on the ottoman and stand near his new play area, and I missed it! Hubs did catch it on video so now I know he can do it!
Speaking of the little guy, I was listening to a podcast called The Longest Shortest Time today, and the episode dealt with explaining race and ethnicity to children; more specifically, the host interviewed a psychologist that had done a lot of studies on how children view race based on how they are being raised. The gist of podcast came down to this: not discussing race (and all the differences between people) with children from a very young age, AKA the push for "colorblindness" in society is more harmful than having an open dialogue with kids about race.
You should go listen to it so you can get the full story: the episode is called "How to Not (Accidentally) Raise a Racist" and the host, Hillary Frank, has a Q&A with parents/guardians who call in on the topic. It's very well done and an easy listen.
Anyway, the episode was especially pertinent for me because I am a biracial woman raising a biracial child during a particularly tense time when it comes to race. To most people, I present as possibly Hispanic, and so does Baby A. I am actually half black and half white, and Baby A.'s father is half black and half Puerto Rican. I think we made a pretty good-looking kid, no matter what race he presents ;-)
I believe I can speak for most families of color when I say that conversations about race happen early, and often. I remember very early on speaking to my father, mostly, about being a person of color, and he made a point to explain that being a person of color could bring about adversity at times in my life. Even during my pregnancy, hubs and I wondered about the complexion of our future child, and those conversations came with more than the excitement of meeting our baby. We all worry for the future of our children, but families of color have the added burden of bringing a racial minority into the world, meaning there could be more than the "normal" hurdles of growing up in America.
Imagine looking into your innocent, beautiful little baby's face. You see all of their perfect features and personality traits...but what if someone else looks at your same little child and only sees a threat, or a lesser being? This is what a lot of folks in America cope with. People of color worry about their children being perceived in a malicious way, and from the beginning, they try to imbue their children with knowledge of this possible perception, as a way of protection. It's a sad fact that many children of color in America start their lives with this added burden of worrying about how they will be perceived, instead of having a completely carefree childhood.
The podcast I mentioned above talked about the issue of white parents explaining race to their children, and it focused on white parents because most black/brown/other parents already have that conversation. In the podcast, the host and the psychologist gave some tips for integrating race conversations as seamlessly into daily life as any other topic, because the truth of race differences in America is that they ARE a part of daily life.
The point I'd like to make is that differences in race, as well as every other difference in life- religion, gender, sexual preference, etc., need to be acknowledged, and as parents, we should ensure those conversations start at home. It might be uncomfortable or awkward, but as the podcast makes clear, kids don't understand unless we break it down for them. Plus, kids create awkward situations by saying the darnedest things all the time, anyway!
If you want to learn more, the Longest Shortest Time's most recent episode that I linked to above is a good starting point, and the website for the podcast includes more information about the guest that Hillary interviewed.
Another great podcast that deals with race is Code Switch, and their website often has other resources on it concerning their topics.
If you're not into podcasts, there are a multitude of books you can read that cover a variety of topics on race, but here are some good books that specifically relate to the plight of persons of color and how they find their way in the world that I found particularly enlightening:
And finally, here is a link to a website called What Do We Do All Day that has a good list of children's books that might help you facilitate a conversation with a child who has questions about race!
Let's have that conversation!
-Big A.
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