The Challenges of Weight Gain and Loss After Baby

Recently, a friend (and coveted reader of my blog!) suggested a post about my postpartum body. For me, discussing my feelings concerning my body in general starts way before I was even considering a pregnancy. I'm not trying to frighten any other child-free ladies, but neither the topic nor a postpartum. body are always pretty little packages... at least in my experience. But I also feel that the effects of pregnancy and childbirth don't necessarily equate to never achieving the body of your dreams; instead, I think it just might be that your dreams change after the baby arrives in your life.

Growing up, I was always naturally thin, and as my parents had my sisters and I in a lot of programs, I was constantly doing some kind of workout. Around the end of high school/beginning of college, I got curvier, but I was constantly engaged in so much physical activity at the Naval Academy, so I didn't really have time to pack on a ton of weight. I did acquire a bit of a pooch, but it was always easily corrected by cutting back on the sweet drinks and increasing my cardio. After school, on my first ship, I found out the extent of my body's intolerance to persistent movement, and I was forced to leave my first command early. The doctor I was seeing told me my teeth would start to rot from all the stomach acid I was vomiting up daily while out to sea, which definitely scared the fight to stay onboard out of me. 

When I got off my ship, I'd lost a lot of weight, but I gained it, and much more, back so quickly that I developed stretch marks along my hips, a place I'd never even really gained much weight before. My belly often looked bloated, and one doctor described my year onboard my ship as similar to the lifestyle of a bulimic, since I would spend a week or two out to sea, not eating much and being sick, then I'd come home and try to eat normally again. As I was still in the Navy, I worked really hard to stay within the weigh standards, and it was really strange because I'd never had to work hard to lose weight before. It was pretty discouraging, and I remember stepping into my wedding dress and feeling immensely disappointed in my appearance on what was supposed to be the best day of my life.

My wedding day; in retrospect, not that bad!

Fast-forward almost 5 years later to 2015, and all I'd managed to do was gain a bit more and then maintain the same weight, even after using a personal trainer for a year after leaving the Navy. When I found out I was pregnant, I felt resigned about my weight because I didn't think pregnancy was going to be the worst thing that had happened to my body or weight. I was already huge, and I remember telling my husband, "my body is already ruined, so even if this makes it worse, then who cares?" Obviously, I did care, and I had a lot of concerns about having a healthy pregnancy free from diabetes, preeclampsia, or dangerous weight gain. 

At first, I mostly looked the same, maybe just a little bigger, and I even successfully interviewed and began a new job at around 5 months into my pregnancy without anyone really noticing, or buying any specific maternity clothing. I felt gross, though, and I rarely wanted my photo taken. The first trimester can be tough with all the hormones and I had greasy skin and hair no matter what I did. It kind of sucked, but I knew I was lucky to avoid any real morning sickness or other problems during my pregnancy. 

During my 2nd trimester, with my mom and two sisters, one of which was 2 months further in her pregnancy than me!

Overall, I gained about 17 pounds during my pregnancy, which wasn't too much according to my OB, but a few of the charts I found online said otherwise. Still, I didn't START my pregnancy as a tiny or extremely healthy person, and I tried to stay positive. 

Luckily, I also felt amazing through most of my 2nd and 3rd trimesters. Once I "popped" and really started showing, I embraced the belly, and it seemed like the baby was taking up space that was fat before. I loved my big baby belly and even though I had some new stretch marks near my belly button appear towards the very end of my pregnancy, I was still so excited about the baby and in love with feeling him kick and knowing I was GROWING A TINY HUMAN that I really didn't focus on negatives. I even found a mirror at work to do weekly selfies since I just loved that baby belly so much!

After the baby came, I was banking on the momentum of that initial weight loss, plus breastfeeding, to help me roll into more weight loss. I hoped that the baby would help motivate me to get in the shape I'd wanted to be in pre-pregnancy. I had a lot of unrealistic expectations about how good I'd feel after having a baby. 

But I didn't feel great, at all. I felt like I would never stop bleeding, and I was so thankful I'd taken extra ice packs from the hospital, even though the doctor told me the cold wouldn't help me heal after a while. I needed  those ice packs. It just hurt. I tried to go for walks but it was July and I would come back from even the shortest walk or errand drenched in sweat, breasts aching, and a pad full of blood from the exertion...and this is even after 6 weeks. My OB didn't give me the green light for resuming normal activities (including intercourse) until 8 weeks postpartum because of the extent of some of my internal tears, and she really needn't have worried because that was NOT a priority for me. Around 4 months postpartum, I got an IUD inserted and things did finally start to plateau. I would never say I felt "back to normal," but I stopped having days where I spent most of my time praying for time to go by faster so I could go to sleep or get a helping hand with the baby and relax. I was wearing loose nursing and maternity clothes when I managed to leave the house, but I didn't have the energy for much more most of the time. I was grateful to have the time for a long, hot shower and I tried to avoid the mirror afterwards because I felt like my body looked like a deflated balloon.

Needless to say, I wasn't as concerned with weight loss and looking cute again as I'd expected to be. My concerns were centered around the well-being of my baby, and my body just needed to be healthy enough to provide for him. I kept a higher calorie diet even after my son started sleeping enough for us to cook more often, because if I didn't eat a lot, I felt faint and exhausted after breastfeeding. We started going out more after a visit from our friends who live overseas and were expecting their second baby soon. They are amazing people and love adventure and experiencing all the world has to offer; they also motivated me to be a little more confident in going out with the baby, on my own and with my husband. They were able to explore a lot of Europe with their new baby and their firstborn is a healthy, thriving little girl. My friend even had a c-section, and she bounced back beautifully...so, I started to work a little harder to get outside, get walking, and get moving. I even tried Stroller Strides (it was soooo tough!) Every chance I have had to go explore with hubby and baby in tow, I have planned a trip and gotten us out of the house. I also began to plan meals again, including healthier- but still delicious- options and substitutions.

Getting out with my Baes at Mount Vernon!

Now we are approaching 10 months postpartum. I still have stretch marks, and the skin on my belly is very loose and wrinkles with the stretch mark. I was still wearing some of my maternity jeans while it was still cool outside because the belly band now works like a smoothing control top... but I can't wear those pants now because they'll just fall off. I definitely weight less than I did pre-pregnancy, but not by a lot, and my body shape has changed around my midsection so that my old clothes just fit so strangely. My chest is all over the place size-wise due to the nursing, and it took until very recently for me to purchase a normal bra (from Thirdlove-- will review it later!) I am STILL on the hunt for a decent pair of jeans, even though I plan to try to lose more weight. I think that most women I know seem to be able to get back to their pre-pregnancy weight, but I feel like most of us do not feel that we get back to our pre-pregnancy body. This makes finding clothing so difficult, because you can't look for your old standbys anymore...you have to figure out this whole new body that seems to have a different purpose.

I don't feel so bad, though. I feel like I can lose more weight, and now that my son is trying to learn to walk, I have to get my cardio up to keep up with him! Again, I believe that more than a physical change occurs after having a baby; it's a full mindset change to a focus on a whole new human being, and that person's body, and their well-being, to which your own comes in second place. And really, that's it's own wonderful after-effect that makes the personal changes totally worth it.

-Big A.